The Texas Bohemian

Word artist. Jack of all Trades.

My Small World

This morning I’m finishing up a few things I started yesterday morning while my wife slept in.  The post just below was part of what I needed to finish.  Down the hall my two little kids are working on their vocabulary.  My wife is off to work and my oldest is in summer school.  It’s quiet now.

Last night after my wife and I went to bed she turned over to go to sleep while I did a little reading.  I turned to her and said, “It’s a joy to sleep beside you!”

My world is a small world.  Through the years I’ve been a home parent I’ve become more and more isolated from the world.  I look out through a little window and what I see horrifies me so much that I write these blogs and work on the peace website and try to be a voice for change.  But the world I live in, day to day, is tiny.

Since my mom died my world has shrunk even smaller.  My siblings are not much interested in anything beyond their own big circle of friends so they are not a part of my little world.  I see my wife’s parents sometimes.  My life is four people who come and go as I spend my days in this little tin can house.

Once I was very bored and lonely.  For years after I became a home parent I sought outlets, wrote online friends, searched all over for “somebody to be a friend.”  I used to take off on weekends just to get out of the  house.  I don’t do that much any more, I do not like being away from my kids.

There’s little chance of finding friendly faces around this neighborhood, though, since I cannot accept the religion and politics of people here.  I don’t look for anyone “out there” any more.  I have no need for them.

I can say the teachings of Buddha have been a wonderful help.  They have taught me to accept life as it is.  I love Buddha and his teaching.

My world is not a religious world, though.  I do not believe in the Christian concept of God.  I doubt any kind of “god” exists.  I do not pray nor believe it is a useful habit except for those who get psychological benefit from it.

I do not spend my day in front of the TV.  I do spend too much time on the computer.  I’m a little neglectful of my household chores–make that quite neglectful.  My time online is spent searching for truth, learning what is happening in the world outside, trying to figure out how to make the world better for my kids.

I live in a little world.  But you know what?  My world is just fine.  Each night I go to sleep thinking how much my family means to me.  Many nights I drift off to sleep thinking simple thoughts about how much I love each of my children and my wife.

There’s not much I want.  There’s little I need.  I don’t dream of riches or fancy cars.  I would like to travel but even that is not all that important any more.  In fact, I have all I need and far more.  I love my family with my whole, whole heart.  They love me back!  I lack nothing and life could not be better.

June 15, 2009 - Posted by | Blather | , ,

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