The Texas Bohemian

Word artist. Jack of all Trades.

And they call me crazy!

In the headlines today: Pay to Pray… by computer!  Good grief!

I kid you not.  You may have seen the news story, it’s making the rounds, but if you haven’t just look around on news sights.  See if you can find it.  I simply will not promote the site by posting a link here even though Nobody is my biggest fan.  The website charges a fee (10% goes to charity, woo hoo!) based on the length of prayer.  You can even choose your own God or god to pray to.  Well, not just any god, they’re still working on setting up a link with a few lesser known deities.

For five bucks you can initiate a prayer for an assortment of things from world peace to a sick friend.  Prayer for your kids rate only two bucks.  Tacky!

The website says it uses a computer with text-to-speech to “voice” the prayers.  How would that work?  There’s probably a few hundred really stupid people in this world who might sign up, or more likely that many who’ll do it as a joke.  Does this mean the company has hundreds of little speakers in a room somewhere reading text?  That would be incredibly difficult to do.  And expensive.  A sound card, speaker and processor would be required for each speaker.  If all those processors are in one room the place would be an oven.

If the speakers are all in one room, even a big room, the cacophony of hundreds of speakers going at the same time would be insane.  Does the prayer run at normal speed, high speed, low or high volume?  What if God forgot his hearing aid?  What if God gets confused?  What if God grants the prayer to the computer instead of the intended pray-er?  What if the WRONG God answers?  How funny would that be if Ala granted a Christian prayer?  Does the company hang prayer beads around the Catholic speakers?

Really, I am totally serious.  This is the stupidest thing anybody has ever come up with, stupider than I ever thought anybody would be.  It’s a stupid website but anybody stupid enough to pay on this website… I mean really, how can anybody in this world be that stupid and still know how to use a computer in the first place?

It’s a high-tech sham, of course.  The mere logistics of doing what the website claims it does would be impossible.  The religious aspect is beyond absurd.  What kind of deity would honor a prayer “voiced” by a computer that does not already know the heart and mind of the idiot paying to have the prayer “voiced?”

Just for fun, I sent them the following e-mail:


I have a few questions before I sign up.  Could you tell me where the speakers are that voice prayers?  What volume and type of voice does your speech engine produce?  Are the prayers in mono or stereo?  Where are the speakers located?  How often are the prayers read?  What time of day are they said?  Do humans listen to the speakers as they pray?  Lastly, you do not have Buddhist prayers listed.  Are you going to add those?

Thank you very much!


From the desk of Ted Gresham

The email came back.  Hmm, guess god is busy today.

March 26, 2009 - Posted by | Religion | , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. What a crock! I hope people aren’t really falling for this (although I’m sure they are). Too bad they didn’t have the guts to answer your email!

    Comment by Just another "Nobody" :) | March 26, 2009

  2. No kidding, a crock. There was a link to their site on Coast to Coast. Their email probably crashed from the traffic. I’m surprised the site didn’t. Some kid is having a great laugh, I’m sure.

    Thanks for stopping by Nobody! lol

    Comment by texasbohemian | March 26, 2009

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