Walking Away – Facing Reality
The internet is not what it used to be. Maybe it never was what I thought it was. Whatever. I am not what I used to be. I have had websites online since 1995. No kidding. I’ve gone from one to another, changing, updating, dutifully writing html code, learning CSS, scouring the web for cool stuff to put on on my assorted websites.
My dreams, my hopes, my tragedies, they’ve all played out in a quiet corner of the internet where nobody ever visited. In the late 90’s the great hope and dream Wilderhaven rose from a webpage and became a real entity for a brief time and then died a tragic and heart-ripping death in my hands.
Through all my incarnations I’ve spent hours designing and uploading, writing and writing and writing, telling all. And what for?
Though I’ve used the cheapest services I could find I’ve still racked up quite a tab over the decade plus that I’ve wasted time and effort with websites.
My latest absurdity, trailerparkscholar.com, fell into neglect last summer. Other ideas like a homeschool effort called Liberation Academy never did much but take up space on a server.
At last I decided the time had come to just pull the plug. Today I deleted everything on the server and cancelled the account. In an internet instant it’s all gone, poof, bye bye, adios. To to the url’s I owned and there’s blank pages.
I don’t know who I was trying to impress. Nobody I guess.
I won’t be missed. I never made any money online and I never met anybody through the website and there were never any hits. I am no good at marketing and even if I was I had nothing to market but the vain babblings of a coocoobird.
So, anyway, I have to go now. It’s the way of the world. Everything that begins to live is dying in the very same instant. We just don’t recognize it. My websites were dead before they lived but what did it matter?
I just feel sad. Maybe I’m sad because I’m finally gone from websites and have the most tenuous links through this blog and a couple of user pages or maybe I chunked it all because I’m just sad. There are days when I am able to undersand detatchment and there are days, like today, that the detatchments I can’t seem to shake loose cause lots of that suffering my beloved Buddha speaks of.
I don’t know. Things just are. Except they’re not.
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