The Texas Bohemian

Word artist. Jack of all Trades.

Speaking of extravagant… My wish list!

There is a place to get the gift for the guy or gal who has everything. IF you have the dough.


My wife got a catalog in the mail the other day from Hammacher Schlemmer. This store has many very cool things. Very few of them are anywhere close to our budget. Some, well, they defy the imagination not only in impracticality but in cost as well. Now I know where those folks in those mansions driving a Jag as their cheap car get their cool stuff.

Let me share. This should be fun.

OK, first the catalog. Three items at the top of the list of absurd:

1. “The Fish Agility Training Set.” This is on page 21 of the Last Minute Gift 2008 (LMG8) catalog, if you want to find it for yourself. “This complete set of underwater activities allows you to train your pet fish to perform a series of agility maneuvers,” the blurb says, “including swimming through hoops, pushing a soccer ball, navigating a slalom course, and more.” I kid you not, folks, this is a serious gift, not a gag, with all the tools to train a goldfish! At least it IS affordable, at $39.95.

2. “The Personal Oxygen Bar.” Page 17 offers this $299.95 device that concentrates oxygen from the normal 21% to 27% “helping you to relax and reduce stress without medication or an oxygen tank.” OK, so it’s a $300 high “without drugs.” Though there might be a practical use for those with breathing problems this devise it’s just too easy to conjure up an image of young preppie rich kids lounging in a sun room with a hose at their nose trying to overcome the stress of being rich. Poor things.

Maybe they need this devise after blasting each other in the back lawn with marshmallows. There are several marshmallow guns and cannons to choose from that will shoot nice, fluffy marshmallows up to 40 feet. No kidding!

3. “The Geochron World Clock.” This is actually something I’d really like to have. Problem is, the price is so incredibly high I can’t believe anyone would buy it. It’s a 15″ x 26″ map that revolves in its frame showing the time zones around the world. That’s it. It does look very nice. I’d give a couple hundred bucks, maybe, if I had a lot more dough than I’ve ever had before. But this thing lists for $1,695. Really! The absurdity here is the price.

The catalog has lots of practical and interesting things too. Lots of them are reasonably priced though some are decidedly out of my budget. Over all the company sells a lot of good things so I don’t mean to slam it so much as to point out how ridiculous the ridiculously rich can be.

Some of the things I’d like to have? Here they are:

“Bifocal Reading Sunglasses.” Page 17. $99.95. These would come in handy since my eyes are steadily declining in ability to read things up close.

“The World’s Fastest Digital Camera.” Page 24. Price…. um… well, ok, so it’s way over anything I could ever afford but it sure is a nice camera. 60 shots a second at 6 meg ain’t bad. It’s only $1200. Sigh.

“The Telescope Walking Stick.” Page 25. $89.95. This is a really cool gadget. Very English. It’s a walking stick that has a small telescope in the head that swivels out providing up-close viewing. It’s just a 3x scope but it’s such a beautiful walking instrument that it’d suit me very well.

“The Army Air Corp Leather Flight Jacket.” Page 56. $399.95. Yeah, expensive, but I’ve always wanted one of these.

“The Shirt Pocket Aircraft and Shortwave Radio.” Page 59. $99. This is not a bad price for such a radio. I have always wanted one of these radios too!

“The Space Saving Billiards Table.” Page 92. $499.95. Actually, this is a good price for a pool table. It’s a very practical idea, too. Sams has a $1k table, beautiful wooden version with leather pockets, I’ve been asking for. My wife always says, “yeah, right.” The Sams table would not fit anywhere in our little tin can. This one would work well.

The Website.

There are many more wonderful and a few totally nutty things on the website. I haven’t had time to look at everything but the most absurd item I’ve found is a “Power Nap Capsule.” It’s a little capsule made for taking “power naps.” It cost $25,000! Get real! I’ll bet you’ll find one of them in the CEO’s quarters of all the auto makers, oil companies and all those other guys who live in ivory towers.

Now for my wish list from online stuff:

The 14 M.P.H. Cooler.” It’s a great idea, a cooler with wheels and a motor!  How handy!  Load up the lunch and ride it out to the park table or over to watch the free concert. Find it here:

“The 10 Day Lantern.” Here’s a very practical item.  It’s a bright LED lantern that lasts ten days on a set of batteries.  Great for camping or the next hurricane!  Here it is:

“The Paperless Paperback.” It’s just a reader but not JUST a reader.  It costs $299 but it’s totally worth it.  It has a six inch screen, easy to read, all kinds of bells and whistles that makes it a total replacement for a paper book.  Here’s a link:

The Solar Hand Crank Power Radio.” This is a less expensive radio than the first one I mentioned, listed at $79, but would be a handy dandy thing to have.  It is solar powered or hand crank powered, has AM/FM radio, shortwave, and weather band.  Includes an LED flashlight, a flashing alert light, an emergency siren, and a digital alarm clock.  Here’s where I found it:

Hey, with these four things tucked away what a camping trip I could have!  Like I ever get to go camping.

Shopping is over.  I saw a lot of neat stuff.  They have a realistic replica of a Wurlitzer Juke box and an authentic New York hotdog vendor cart.  Prices ran from $30 to $35,000.  Something for everyone.  Oh well, I suppose I’ll have to settle for Wally world.

If you have money to burn, check’m out:

Merry Christmas!


November 30, 2008 - Posted by | Blather |

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: