Bumps in the road
I only thought yesterday was the last day I’d spend in Hospice room 3.
We did go to mom’s house. I rode shotgun in the ambulance that took her home. We got her there and started settling in… untill her pain went higher than I could control with what I’d been given to work with.
Hospice and I had a few go-’rounds yesterday over medication. They wouldn’t provide any of the strong meds we needed to control mom’s pain. All I had was a supply of pills I would have to crush and get into her mouth. The last word was “call the nurse” if we had problems.
We had problems. Mom’s pain got very bad, as I figured it would, and the pills did not help. We wound up calling out the nurse who gave mom a shot IM (In Muscle) of Delaudid, stuff my mom hated because it wired her up.
Later I gave mom two sleeping pills. The didn’t work. She kept us up all night. At four AM she wanted toast and milk. She INSISTED on toast and milk. My brother went to buy the milk and made the toast. We figured it would make her throw up. After she relaxed we sat up waiting for her to throw up. She never did.
What happened was her peg tube in her stomach stopped up. I called the nurse to unclog it. She came and cleaned the tube out. It stopped up again and I had to do it. The word is “irrigate.” Another new skill. I had to take purified water and shove it through the tube into the stomach, draw some contents back, and get the peg unstopped. Everybody thought it was gross. Ha. Ted the nurse did a fine job.
Later in the day mom started saying she couldn’t see. Around one pm she paniced. We had conversations with the nurse and in the end, well, here I sit once again in Room 3.
I think mom had a bit of a stroke. She has really bad pain in her sides, too. She’s confused and screwy from the morphine. I had her switched to morphine because she hated the Delaudid. My brother, his wife and I are now on watch once again. I’m back on the roll-away bed.
Mom’s tuff. She can’t even understand herself why she is still alive. She told me today she wanted to “GO!” I asked where and she pointed up. She said, “why won’t I die?” How does one answer that?
Today I’ve about cried out of tears. Tomorrow I’ll get some more. Tomorrow she may be gone. Tonight, however, she’s in the bed beside me snoring away while I type this note with droopy eyes.
One more day with mom. What a wonderful gift. I would have preferred it be at her home as she so wanted it. Still might happen. Either way, one more day is great. I’ll take it any way I can.
Now I think I’ll sleep. Tomorrow is another day…at least for some of us.
No comments yet.