A not-good day.
Perhaps some people can live on hope, keep hope locked away in their heart, go from day to day with that little four-letter-word prodding them on.
But what does one do when hope is dead?
Today, I lost all my hope in another four-letter word: love.
I’ve always been stupid, naive, a total idiot when it comes to people. I always believed that love was stronger than anything, that love someone enough and it would soak in and make a tad bit of a difference. I always wanted to believe that people were not born as they are but were able to change, to choose, to be different. I believe none of that any longer.
Today my oldest daughter broke my heart.
It’s a long, sad, story about a dad who trusts too much and a daughter who has proven entirely untrustworthy, absolutely and completely untrustworthy.
Because of the stress and having to walk to the end of our drive looking for my daughter, only to catch her being dropped off by a boy she snuck off with, my back/shoulder pain is so bad I can’t breathe. I took three codeine pills and it still hurts horribly bad.
My mom called to tell me her chemo has made her so sick she can’t stay alone. For her to admit that she is really very, very sick.
Just now I have horrific pain in my back and shoulder, I’m nauseated, my chest hurts, my head hurts, and I’m pretty much ready to lie down and let this stuff finish me off.
I am not having a good day.
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