Where do I start?
The real world has been quite confusing. The online world not much different. The world at large still going to hell in a handbasket. And I just finished my coffee so maybe there’s a little time before life awakes.
The doc gave mixed signals about my mom’s surgery. Maybe she’ll do fine, maybe not. She probably needs to have the kidney out… but not if she’s going to die soon. She’s 86, you know. So. The surgery went well after all. No complications. She was out of the ER by noon, Monday. to ICU by 4pm. Into a room yesterday.
Yesterday, though, things went south. Not with the surgery but our relationship. Or maybe I’m just over-medicated? Well, no, not exactly. I went by to see my mom in the morning then came back home to get some things done. Around noonish I got calls from siblings that mom was in a room. A couple hours later while I was working in the shop my mom called from her room.
“Are you coming up here?”
“Yeah, mom, when my wife gets off.”
“Supposed to be around five.”
“Oh, ok….. you’ve been saying things.”
“I don’t want you… I’m NOT going into a nursing home!”
“I didn’t say you were. I just said you are not going to go home alone. You should not be alone. You’ll have to figure out what you want to do.”
“I’m not going in a nursing home. You just shut up. You just LEAVE ME ALONE! Just leave me alone!”
“OK, ma, I love you…. bye.”
That was not a nice conversation. Somebody had to have mentioned I said something about not wanting her to live alone again. It pretty much had to be my brother though I don’t know for sure yet.
Background: My mom is 86. She’s been living alone for a long time and I have not liked it at all. She is pretty stubborn and likes to throw little childish fits. A couple years ago she had to go into a facility while she was recovering from a health problem. She acted like a little baby, stomping and demanding she be taken home. She got her way. I know we the family have been accused of neglecting her because she demands to be so damned independent. I have no place to put her or she’d live with me.
For the past several months I’ve been trying to get her to get a reverse mortgage, take the money and make new living arrangements. She has several options. She won’t even consider any of them.
I can understand her wanting to be at home and wanting to be there when she dies. I will not be party to neglect. I have kids to take care of and teach, I cannot sit at her house all the time. I knew the stuff was going to hit the fan after this surgery but somebody should have kept their mouth shut until she got better.
The call yesterday could not have come at a worse time. I was in my shop working on a re-build of my camp trailer. We need the trailer to haul materials without the camp box on top. I was working to make the top of the trailer removable. I’ll just have to show pictures if that doesn’t make sense. Anyway, my bad shoulder was killing me. I had taken some codeine a while before, which makes me grumpy and muddles with my head. And my table saw, the tool I use more than anything, burned up. So I was not in a great mood. Then mom called. Her words were unkind.
So there was a pile of crap in my head when my brother tried to call back. My daughter answered. I said I didn’t want to talk. He insisted on talking. I was unkind. I said, “Uncle Bobby can kiss my ass.” Yeah, that was not nice. But with all going on and just being chewed out I did NOT want to talk. My sister’s husband Mark called, too. My daughter answered. I don’t remember exactly what I said but I had her hang up too. And the phone rang several times later and we just let it ring.
No, I was not nice. Jesus and Gautama are not happy with me. I can put part of the blame on too much pain medications lately. Most of it was sheer frustration that people can be so stubborn. *I* can be stubborn, too. But I want my kids to love me enough and have the courage to stand up to me when they believe I am in danger. The rest of my siblings, two sisters and a brother, will not stand up to mom. “I’m not going to tell her anything!” I wonder if she was sitting with a ’38 about to blow her head off they’d say, “you go ahead mom, do what you want.”
Sheesh. I don’t know what’s going to happen. As it turned out my wife didn’t get off work till after 9. We grabbed a bite to eat at a drive-up, went home, she did our finances on the comp while I checked up on the news and then crashed.
Today maybe I’ll go by the hospital. I’ll try to be civil but I shall not talk nor hang around. When mom gets out of the hospital and thinks she can go home we’ll see what is what. If she is dumped at her home again I will do whatever I have to do that I can do to get her out of there or get her a personal assistant.
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