In Not Knowing…
I know things. I know stuff those in the box don’t, don’t want to, refuse to hear.
I have come to question if this is good or bad. Maybe the joke is on us.
People are resilient. They survive. They even thrive in abject poverty, living in conditions we in America wouldn’t keep our animals. Poor people find simple joys and live lives no more, no less troubled than we who “know” stuff.
Our Genie is out of the bottle. We stuck our heads up and looked around and saw things. We can’t un-see them. There is no mental/spiritual Alzheimer’s. And knowing what we know we WANT others to know WITH us. We want others to see the world, to see through the lies, to get out of what we see as bondage and / or manipulation and / or whatever. But look at those people. Are they any less happy / fulfilled / satisfied than we are? Are they?
My wife and I have always struggled with our differences. She’s a box person and WANTS it, she wants the simple life, the ordinary, the Church on Sunday, school through the week, work-a-day life. She has no desire and no will to be where I am. And although I’m far more contented in what I know now than I ever have been, though I feel safe when once I didn’t, I still don’t know much at all and to all others I do not APPEAR any different than anybody–as in no more happy or contented–except that I look eccentric, weird, the kind of person the box people do not like and sometimes even fear.
My kids love me dearly. But they see Daddy through the eyes of the world, too, a bit weird and not like all the other daddy’s. They don’t understand why we don’t just “go to church like Grandma and Grandpa.” They can’t understand or see what I see. We’re all stuck in this flabby thing called a body and our mind is locked tight. Nobody can see it. No matter how much we might WANT them to understand, they most likely won’t.
Unschooled, unchurched, liberal causes to combat government evils, this is my world. Do I really want it for our kids? Am I being selfish by turning my kids into rebels, a group apart, people who will never fit in and will be stuck, as I, always swimming up stream, always frustrated that people are jumping off cliffs and won’t listen, always fighting for causes the mainstream will never even consider important, much less support.
The more I think about it the more selfish it seems that I want to drag my family along the path I’m going just because I want their company. After all, God loves everybody. God is there for anyone who asks and God stands beside everyone nudging them towards Truth as they are able to comprehend it. In other words, God loves the people in the box as much as I. He is there for them.
The problem is, though, that while I see efforts to steer them towards a life that might not be best for them and certainly has loosened the rocks beneath my feet for decades I am NOT in the box and I don’t know HOW to nurture them. Should I just fix me a little corner and putter around like an eccentric and let my wife do the leading? Should I just let them do as they please? Should I surrender them back to the institutions I loathe? Wouldn’t that be the height of irresponsibility?
What, then, should I do? Where does selfish motives end and responsibility begin? I cannot in good conscience let things be. Neither can I support institutions I believe are destroying people. I cannot compromise Truth. I don’t know how and I don’t want to and I don’t believe it’s right. But where is the line? Where do I go from here?
This is one long question. I have no answers. None at all. The joke is not a bit funny.
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